Hello all. I’ve recently noticed a trend plaguing Toronto’s malls in the form of over-sized trench coats. The gentleman sporting these atrocious cloth sacks aren’t exactly dapper – as in not at all. The coats are always Burberry, the belts are never done up and they resemble a mediocre superhero cape. However, with the trench / mackintosh coat, there are a whole new set of problems. You see, this is what you think you look like:

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Perception is key to every aspect of life and style is no exception. What you think you look like and what others see you as are two wholly distinct concepts. Because this is what you actually look like:

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First off, I can’t believe I actually did that. The things I do for you guys. But secondly, doing the trench wrong runs the risk of looking like a pedophile. And not the good kind. And finally, yes, yes I do in fact have a bright white crotch area.

So buy your coats a size smaller, or may the wrath of my genitals inflict lightning upon your ass.