Teaser #1

A teacher once asked me why I attended school. I told him I’d meditate and answer, but only when I was ready. I don’t know why I’m recalling an event from years ago, but I’m running away from the Pigs and my balls are chafing against my-

The floor’s tiles jump, smashing my forehead. Clanging follows the drop of heavy boots.

“Restrain the vermin!”

I’ve never been a fighter. But if there’s ever been anything to fight for, it would be this moment.

Grabbing the closest object, I release my fiercest war cry and lace the Pig across his jaw. The dildo lands with a solid thwack.

DBG: Douche Athletica

The Next Douche Is…

The next DBG will be put up this Thursday. Here’s a hint to who the next douche is: he has an ass of red and lungs of black. Don’t guess too hard folks.

Also, I’ll be starting a new writing series based on the Douchebag Apocalypse. I’ll be posting up some teaser tidbits here and there, so stay tuned,

N.DO: Vertical Stripes

Fit is king and I’d have to say that this is my best fitting shirt. I think I’ll make a whole article devoted to proper fitting.

N.DO: Brown Blazer Part II

The only difference between this N.DO and Part I are the pants. Part I had dress pants, whereas this uses navy chinos.

Fresh Ideas: Espadrilles

I still don’t know how to pronounce this type of shoe. Apparently it’s French. They feel naked at first, but with summer around the corner, they’re a real easy way to stay cool. By the way, don’t wear socks with these. They’re probably the only kind of shoe I wear sock less.

You just gotta make sure that these things fit. I bought a size 8 once cause H&M was out of 7′s. I tried it on with socks, and it obviously didn’t work.

Wear them with a pair of slacks, shorts, chinos, anything really.

N.DO: Brown Blazer Part I

This is a brown blazer from H&M. It’s awesome. Brown and navy are like whale sex and peanut butter. An amazing combo. The pants are navy dress pants, but with a high hem for spring. It’s paired with some espadrilles.

N.DO: Salvation Army Haul Part II

I picked up this Arrow shirt for $5. The sleeves are huge but I compensated by rolling them up.

N.DO: Unite Against Racism Hooded Tee

DBG: Count Doucheula

This ain’t your typical douche.